...where is the joy? What are you supposed to feel during the holiday?
Yesterday I must have spent about 2 hours walking around the neighborhood doing errands: dropping off cards at the post office, looking for fresh basil, picking up packages, finding Hanukkah paper....
Through it all I could feel myself going through the motions. I tried humming holiday tunes in my head, taking deep breaths of frigid air, kicking chunks of icy snow...but something was missing.
It was joy. This year I am missing joy. That stuff that makes me all excited when I pick up boxes at the mailbox. That makes me sit in front of "How the Grinch Stole Xmas" and sing along (instead, I went into the kitchen to bake). The joy that wakes me up early and keeps me up late (in bed by 9:30pm). The joy that makes me count the hours until Christmas morning and plan the hours afterward so I have plenty of time to read my books!
I feel like I'm experiencing Christmas through someone else's eyes. I just can't find the emotional connect. Not that I don't cry...oh, I'm doing that. Or that I'm not angry...it doesn't take much to set me off and big time! But the joy? Nada.
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