What did people say when your parent died?
When someone dies in your life, the people around you don't always know what to say.
I guess the people I knew were somewhat lucky. My dad died in England. My brother and I had traveled there to try and see dad before he died: we missed it by about six hours. Dad died early on a Saturday morning (3:30am), so Al and I had to stay a few days to make arrangements and handle the death details. Nothing can get done on a weekend.
So I was out of the country for almost a week and didn't return to the office for a few days past that. So most of the condolences I received were via email. That's actually good. It's less awkward. I mean...really. What do you say?
Most thoughtful: when someone asks "how are you doing?" then actually waits around long enough to listen to my answer.
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Boy, can I relate to this. Before my dad died, I didn't know what was appropriate to say. People who have experienced a death close to them, get it more. I think it's about "human connection". Like you said, people who really want to know how you're doing. And people who get that sometimes you just want to talk about the same stuff over and over again. I wanted to talk about my father's last moments, the funny moments in his last few weeks, the lovely service, the beautiful flowers BBBSA sent. Just talk. The same stories over and over again. People who get it listen, really listen. They don't say, "Yes, I know. You already told me." I hate that.
In the support group I attended for bereaved children, many of us talked about some of the stupid things people say like, "It's been 6 months, shouldn't you be over it?" I've been lucky. But I think I'm in the minority.
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